This is just a memoir.
The earliest memory I have is of a blue and white light hovering above my head. The memory that immediately follows this is after I have learned to speak basic words, I walk into the kitchen where my mother is doing dishes and I ask: “Where do the stars go during the day?” To which my mother’s response was: “Some things are just the way they are for a reason. Don’t question it.” So naturally, I began to question everything about my reality, steadily building a mental library of ideas to explain the “Why” of why things were the way that they are.
During my early childhood, my father would bring me to church each Sunday. Which kind of church doesn’t matter, so let’s just say it was your typical sing-songy Christian church. I quickly grew tired of hearing the same preacher talk about the grace and glory of God that I didn’t yet comprehend, singing the same preachy songs with indirect metaphors that weren’t explained to my young and naive brain, and being coaxed into joining the Sunday school taught by behavioral trainers.
One day I asked my father directly: “Why do we go to Church?” To which his response was: “I’m not sure anymore, you want to stop going?” Times were hard, my mom had left, and my father had turned his back on conventional spirituality. He assured me we could stop going to church if I read the old testament and found some scripture that stood out to me. Quite the book for a child, but nonetheless I was intrigued at getting my mind wrapped around some adult knowledge.
I began my deep dive into spirituality from there, advancing from Christianity to Judaism, Judaism to Hinduism, and from there I settled my search for wisdom in the eastern beliefs of Buddhism and Taoism. During this time of research, I learned much about history from different parts of the world, and I began noticing many similarities to the way in which history is recorded vs. the way it is experienced. This awakened something in me that had been integrated into the core of my being, could there be hidden elements to the past that could affect our future?
I started to question everything once again and found myself lost in the proverbial rabbit-holes of thought. I graduated high school a full year early with the intention of getting access to higher levels of knowledge. I was sorely mistaken to learn that the systems of education are the same at every level, repressing and shaming creativity and innovative thought so as to pour molten minds into brick molds to build more systems of repression. I realized the systems were in control, so I should learn how they work in order to make them work against themselves.
Reality for the past 4 years has shifted dramatically, not only for me but for the entire human race. We are not living in the future we predicted, but we are in the past that our future has lived. This is a chance to start over, to begin anew, to end again. This is the start of a new chapter in the quantum book of life. We choose the story, we are the narrators, we are the ink of God. So start writing, and may this end find new beginnings.